A Year Ago Today

"If love alone could have saved you/you never would have died." - Kimberly N. Chastain

It was a year ago today that Ellie passed. I wish I could have a Time Turner or TARDIS and go back then. At the very least she'd be getting the biggest pet in the world.

National Sorry Day

Time passes by so fast! Ever since finding out about it a few weeks ago through my Aboriginal Studies essay research, I planned to do something for National Sorry Day, but with assessments and work I completely lost track of the date until my mum shared something about it on Facebook. So, as it's 6pm and I'm in the middle of an assignment and it's too late to actually participate in or organise anything official this year, I'm going to post something on here.

I am so sorry. I may not have taken your land or taken your children or introduced my diseases or legally acted as if you weren't here or created this inequality, but my ancestors and I have benefited from it and you have been devastated by it. I may not actively perpetuate the inequality, but the inequality still exists and by not actively fighting it I am, without knowing it, perpetuating it. I am sorry that when I was in primary school I honestly believed that NAIDOC week was a good idea but one that was pointless at my school because my class never went to it and I didn't believe that there were any Aboriginal students there. I'm also sorry that my primary school was one where, even seven years ago, the education was such that students could respect Indigenous people and be sorry for the past without having a clue about what was actually going on in the present and where students could not even know if or when they could go into the hall to see the NAIDOC week things (and that I'm not even sure what was in the hall because I kept thinking that we'd go down there as a class but never did). I'm sorry that some of my generation are still ignorant enough to believe that this is your fault rather than realising the effect that the past can have. I am sorry that the treaty that was being negotiated never eventuated. I am sorry that despite the awareness of the Closing the Gap campaign for the past six years, the gap hasn't changed. I am sorry that even though I respect you like any other person, and even though honestly I do feel uncomfortable talking to any stranger, I would feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger who I knew to be Aboriginal because I'd want to show how much I respect that person but would feel so worried about accidentally saying something ignorant or appearing over the top when I mean it genuinely. I'm sorry that a dichotomy even exists in such a way and that being Aboriginal can't just be accepted as casually as being from Bangladesh or from Germany or from India or from England. I'm sorry that people and initiatives still try to make decisions for you rather than recognising you as human beings who have the right to make their own decisions for themselves. I'm sorry that I felt like swearing for one of the first times just then but didn't. I'm sorry that the Northern Territory Intervention is still in place, even though it was initiated to look into child sexual abuse and hasn't found one case of it in the past five and a half years. I'm sorry that that stupid intervention mandatorily took young children and checked to see whether or not they had had sex. I'm sorry that people see the Stolen Generation as being in the past when its effects are still very present and the Northern Territory Intervention is still forcibly removing children, even if the children are being returned after their dignity is breached. I'm sorry that one of my best friends has complained about the fact that there are benefits that are only available to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people and that people are exploiting the system when any benefits given can never amount to what was taken away. I'm sorry that many Australians I know would think about the Holocaust when the term genocide is mentioned rather than the genocide that happened in our own country. And I am sorry that people think that saying sorry is enough when there is so much more that comes after that word that hasn't yet occurred because everyone heard former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd say sorry and have mostly moved on.

Please, anyone who reads this, don't be ignorant. Don't be one of those people who just assume that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people get so much handed to them when they weren't disadvantaged to begin with. Actually research the issue. Actually be educated about it before making comment. And if your in depth research points you to believe that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are given things unfairly, then say it, but in a way that is constructive rather than complaining. But I assure you that it won't.

Netball high

It's netball season again! I am so excited. I did a happy dance this morning when it hit me that we were fifteen minutes away from leaving. (I also found out that my happy dance differs depending on the occasion; my post-HSC-and-watching-a-LBD-episode one involved jumping/spinning and making a random high-pitched noise, whereas this morning consisted of jumping around in a circle while swinging my arms up and down).

Three of our ladies left last year - one could only play a third of the games due to work, one has developed knee problems and one has family commitments on Saturdays - and it was our first game with our two new ladies today. One of them day played with us last year but Mum and I had never met the other one. It was so great to see the courts filled with people again and to have that sports rush. The other team only had six players, with their two defenders from last time we played them either being away or having left, so we ended up winning 54-14. The other team's player shortage probably made it the easiest game of the season, so I'm looking forward to having closer games. Especially because the team who my The kind of game I play for post was about is now in our grade again and it will be lovely to play them again.

I'm just on a netball high that even the knowledge that I want to finish the last part of my psychology assignment tonight, despite the fact that my brain is telling me to go watch another episode of Buffy, won't bring me down from. Well, maybe just a tad. I really wanted to watch the prom episode as a reward for finishing this section but probably won't have time.

I love netball. And uni, despite the fact that the semester seems to go by faster than school. There's nowhere I'd rather be right now, both in terms of geographical location and educational stage. Sometimes I wish that I'd gone away for uni so I could be living on campus, but then I remember how much I love my family and town and friends and how I'd hate it after a few weeks and laugh at myself for ever entertaining the notion.

Rape equals rape

A school friend shared a picture on Facebook that I found very poignant. I disagreed with the action but completely agreed with the sentiment. A topless woman (certain parts whited out before being uploaded) had the words Still not asking for it written across her chest. I don’t really agree with the topless protesting part but like the effectiveness and simple truthfulness of her message. I believe that people should dress and act modestly. But regardless of a person’s actions and state of dress, be they male or female, no one ‘is asking for’ sex unless they actually, you know, actually confirm that they want to, preferably by using their voice or the sign language equivalent. Anything outside of that is rape, plain and simple, regardless of a person was flirting or half-naked or had even had sex with that person before. No equals no, an inability to say no or think clearly equals no, and rape equals rape.

The way to stop rape isn’t for potential victims, both male and female, to take preventative measures like being careful with what they wear and not walking home alone at night. It’s good to be aware of the risks of different actions and to behave accordingly. But rape is always, every single time, completely and utterly the rapist’s fault. It’s never the victim’s fault. The way to stop rape is stopping rapists. I don’t expect that the poster in the link I’m about to share will stop people raping others, partially because most rapes are by someone you know and partially because it’s not that simple. But I think it’s brilliant at pointing out just how convoluted our thinking has become if society is willing to even consider blaming a victim for something that was inflicted on them. If someone’s front door was slightly ajar because they were running to their neighbour’s house to help with something and it didn’t close properly behind them and someone snuck into their house and burgled it, would we blame the victim or the thief? We might say that the owner should take precautionary measures like shutting and locking their doors, but the thief still, of his own free will, snuck in and stole the items. Similarly, it doesn’t matter whether a woman is wearing revealing clothing or a man was fine with kissing but not with sex. The other person might be tempted by the clothes or by the stimulation but at the end of the day sex requires two people saying yes, just like giving someone your TV requires two people saying yes, and forcing sexual contact on another person is a much more serious offense than nicking a TV.

 

The poster: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/campaigns/10-top-tips-to-end-rape/

Friendzoning? More like friendno-ing! (Yeah, lame. I know.)

I hate the concept of ‘friendzoning’.  It is essentially complaining that someone just wants to be your friend and is not physically attracted to you. Why not just appreciate the fact that they do like you enough to want to be your friend, rather than that they don't like you the way you want them to? In my opinion, someone who complains about being friendzoned isn't really that person's friend as they're just waiting until a boy or girl is added to that friend instead of actually appreciating the platonic bond they share.

The term implies that people have the right to expect anyone they’re friends with to consider dating them at some point in time. I understand the frustration and disappointment over being friendzoned – in a platonic way, I guess it’s kind of like my friendship with my ex-friend, as I wanted a different depth and reliability of friendship than she did – but hate when people complain about it. Should my best friends and I complain that we’re not attracted to each other’s sex and so will never be together in that way? What if you’ve considered the possibility of dating that person on a theoretical level but just don’t like them? Does that count as friendzoning because from the other person’s perspective you haven’t given them ‘a chance’? If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you make a new friend, are you obligated to reflect on whether they'd make a good boyfriend/girlfriend instead of just being happy with the loving relationship that you're already in? Are people who complain about being friendzoned suggesting that the friendzoner should just date anyone who is their friend even if they don’t see them as potential life partners, just because no one should be relegated to the horrific role of ‘friend’? I mean, who wants to be a friend? Who even has friends?

Friends suck. Or at least, the concept of friendzoning would have us believe they do.

 

It's even more denigrating to the concept of friendship as the idea that liking someone in a romantic way is liking them as 'more than friends', when it's really just liking them 'different than friends'. Friendship is just as important as romantic interest, and I'd argue that it's more important. I want romance and a romantic relationship. I need friends and human interaction on a platonic level. I would never consider marrying a man who I would not also consider a close friend.

Rant time over.

 

So, apparently I’ve felt strongly about this for a little while, because while looking through notes on my phone I found another draft post on this topic, except on 8 January 2013 instead of May 2012. I'll include it here because it's short and makes the point about the idea of blame, although I think the above version is much more developed.

 

The concept of the friendzone irks me exceedingly (I’ve been rereading Anne of Green Gables, hence the language). Essentially, it’s just a way of saying that you have unrequired feelings for someone with whom you are friends. But whereas ‘unrequited feelings’ implies that it’s a shame, ‘friendzone’ somehow creates blame where there need not be any, suggesting that the other person not being willing or able to see you as ‘more than a friend’ is wrong. And how is it determined who is wrong in the situation? Couldn’t the person with the unrequired feelings be equally wrong? Does that mean that I was ‘friendzoned’ in year nine when I had a secret crush on a friend of mine? Was it wrong of him not to like me back, despite the fact that he had a lot of other male and female friends (and ended up coming out two or three years later)? Or was it wrong of me to like him and not tell him?

Foudroyant(e)

While looking up a word from my French textbook, I came across the word ‘foudroyant(e)’, which immediately struck me as an interesting and strangely attractive word. It's not like "inoubliable", which has history for me, or "soixante", which just sounds beautiful, but there was something about it that meant I felt that I had to find out what it means, a phrase that I am hesitant to use after my lecturer's "French and English are not the same" explanation but will still do so as I was searching for its meaning, it's just that the most basic form of that is an attempted direct translation to English.
 
Its meaning? Lightning (progress)/stunning (success)/violent (illness, poison).  The idea of the same word meaning lightning, stunning and violent (I didn’t contextualise them at first and so assumed it meant the noun and the adjectives in general) seemed fitting. After all, what is lightning but a beautiful-from-a-distance-but-crazy-scary-up-close phenomenon? It makes even more sense when contextualised – something describing speed, forceful/even aggressive impressiveness (after all, literally stunning someone would be an aggressive act) and striking out. There’s not really a point to this, except for an observation on lightning: it’s fast and it’s aggressive and it’s uniquely beautiful. The noun to which this French word does not apply is aptly described by all facets of said word's meaning. At least as far as the facets presented by my dictionary.

Edited (from notes on phone from 6 March):
I was thinking about the word foudroyant again when getting ready for bed last night and realised that my conclusion about how foudroyant aptly describes lightning is wrong for the express reason that stunning is contextualised to mean success, and so it's expressly not the literal hit-you-over-the-head-and-stun-you type, and so I was making the aforementioned mistake of comparing English and French too much. I knew that foudroyant didn't refer to stunning blows or violent in the sense of a human or action being violent, although it could refer to the rapidity of progress. I understood the word, but then took its English approximations. Linking them to the noun lightning was fine, but I then stated how foudroyant doesn't mean lightning but aptly describes it, when really it doesn't mean it but the other meanings of its English approximations aptly describe it.

Uni

I’ve started uni! I love it so far. The environment, both academic and physical, is wonderful. The two courses I’ve been to so far have been amazing. There aren’t any people in the courses (at least not in the one today) that are there when they don’t want to be. They chose that degree and those courses and they’re fully aware of the cost.

On the downside, though, uni makes me really sleepy. I was yawning repeatedly just ten minutes ago. I was planning on doing French preparation and revision tonight, as well as some other general things like finding some stuff that I packed away last year and reading, but am way too tired to attempt it now. Which is surprising because, hey, 9:20.

I might try to get two of the general things done before turning in.