Rape equals rape

A school friend shared a picture on Facebook that I found very poignant. I disagreed with the action but completely agreed with the sentiment. A topless woman (certain parts whited out before being uploaded) had the words Still not asking for it written across her chest. I don’t really agree with the topless protesting part but like the effectiveness and simple truthfulness of her message. I believe that people should dress and act modestly. But regardless of a person’s actions and state of dress, be they male or female, no one ‘is asking for’ sex unless they actually, you know, actually confirm that they want to, preferably by using their voice or the sign language equivalent. Anything outside of that is rape, plain and simple, regardless of a person was flirting or half-naked or had even had sex with that person before. No equals no, an inability to say no or think clearly equals no, and rape equals rape.

The way to stop rape isn’t for potential victims, both male and female, to take preventative measures like being careful with what they wear and not walking home alone at night. It’s good to be aware of the risks of different actions and to behave accordingly. But rape is always, every single time, completely and utterly the rapist’s fault. It’s never the victim’s fault. The way to stop rape is stopping rapists. I don’t expect that the poster in the link I’m about to share will stop people raping others, partially because most rapes are by someone you know and partially because it’s not that simple. But I think it’s brilliant at pointing out just how convoluted our thinking has become if society is willing to even consider blaming a victim for something that was inflicted on them. If someone’s front door was slightly ajar because they were running to their neighbour’s house to help with something and it didn’t close properly behind them and someone snuck into their house and burgled it, would we blame the victim or the thief? We might say that the owner should take precautionary measures like shutting and locking their doors, but the thief still, of his own free will, snuck in and stole the items. Similarly, it doesn’t matter whether a woman is wearing revealing clothing or a man was fine with kissing but not with sex. The other person might be tempted by the clothes or by the stimulation but at the end of the day sex requires two people saying yes, just like giving someone your TV requires two people saying yes, and forcing sexual contact on another person is a much more serious offense than nicking a TV.

 

The poster: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/campaigns/10-top-tips-to-end-rape/