My netball grand final was on Saturday. I don't really want to get into it as it's complicated, but we lost by two and I loved it and everything was great except for the fact that this player on the other team has been really two-faced all year. The team I used to play in had their grand final after us and they were, surprisingly, ahead going into the last quarter, but then a player who was supposed to be off approached one of their best players (in Goal Attack) after the whistle had gone and the latter ended up giving her her patches and walking away. Which was really frustrating because as soon as the Goal Attack left the court, I knew, as did the two people with whom I was watching the game, that they were going to lose. And they did, by three. The girl who went on is a great mover of the ball but she hasn't practiced shooting consistently for years and her accuracy has really suffered as a result.
That's not the point of this post though. The point is that the fact that I'm not playing netball next year and it's both necessary and heartbreaking. I've had knee problems for twoish years now and they have gotten really bad this season, to the point where one leg was throbbing during a psychology lecture. So I think it's time for me to walk away rather than waiting until I have to be assisted. Netball is infamously bad for your knees and ankles and shooting, where there's a lot of leaping forward to get closer to the ring, only accentuates that. It helps that four of my teammates are retiring due to age and fear of injury and another due to busyness (and because she actually did stop last year but then came back). The fact that there's a mass exodus of team members makes it feel like it's the right time to hang my hat up. Besides, Mum and I are planning on continuing to umpire, so we'll still be at the courts. And the idea of having Saturdays free to do uni work is amazing. But, while the idea of not playing netball next year is fine, the knowledge that the grand final might be my last organised game ever is daunting and scary. Except for one year, I've played this sport since I was seven. I love it passionately. There have been quite a few weeks this year and last where I've played on Saturday and then spent the rest of the week waiting for Saturday to come by again. And I might never experience that again. I can practise shooting for fun, but then shooting's part of what has made my knees so bad. I can look into playing indoor netball in a few years if my knees improve, but that's not quite the same. It's not at the park with hundreds of other people playing and loving the sport around you.
I was hoping that writing this would help me reconcile myself to the fact that I'm going to stop playing. I know I have to - I'd much rather have the chance of playing again in twenty years or of my knees not deteriorating further than play next year - but the fact that I have to choose sucks. It hasn't, though. It's just made me feel melancholy. So I should stop before I ramble on for the equivalent of pages and do my French quiz instead. Knowing that if I'm asked in French whether I play a sport, the honest answer (aka not the 'If you don't know how to answer or your actual situation is too complicated or painful, make something else up - they're more interested in your ability to use the language' answer) would have to be no. But at least I can still umpire (maybe that can be my sport if I learn how to say that again?) and become more involved with my club.
